Liturgically speaking, it is still Christmas. It will be until Epiphany (hence, the twelve days of Christmas, which come after the holiday, not before). (Easter also has a season, which lasts forty days until the feast of the Ascension; more important feast = longer season, just as its prepatory period (Lent) is longer than Christmas’s (Advent).)
So, with that and my recent return from the snow-buried north and survival of more than a week at my parents’ house (which is no longer anywhere near childproof or even child-friendly, causing incredible amounts of stress, since I have three children, 6.5 years and younger, and they have two DVR’s, would it have killed them to record a few kids’ shows before we got there?), I am offering another Christmas carol.
Well, ok, it isn’t exactly a carol. Or traditional, except to fans of the Chieftans (a very long-running Irish folk group) (and there do seem to be a lot, as there are 42,000 hits for the lyrics). The Chieftans are tremendously talented and more (much more) than a little bit quirky. I got to see them in concert once, and they’re even quirkier on stage. My parents have been big fans for decades, and bought their Christmas CD The Bells of Dublin back when it came out in the early nineties.
(Before you get the wrong idea from the particular track I chose to highlight, the rest of the CD is really lovely. Lots of traditional and unusual carols, including a set that sounds like it was recorded at a Christmas dinner party. “The Holly and the Ivy” on this CD is my favorite rendition; you just can’t help but sing along. The CD opens and closes with the bells of Dublin’s cathedral. I had it on tape (which meant it hardly ever made it out of the drawer, where it was holding the gap between the Christmas CD’s and some other category), but am now happily rediscovering it because I got the CD for Christmas.)
Required vocabulary for the song (which has expanded now that I’ve finally seen the lyrics) (also known as “Is that what that line was?!”):
St. Stephen’s Day is the feast day of the first Christian martyr, St. Stephen, celebrated December 26.
Tia Maria is a coffee liqueur made in Jamaica.
“That drink made from girders” is a reference to Irn-Bru (pronounced “iron brew”), a hugely popular soft drink in Scotland, often used as a mixer for alcohol. (I thought that ”girders” was a typo until I found it in Wikipedia… it’s from an ad campaign for the soda. Why that’s a selling point, I’m not sure.)
A kipper tie is a type of necktie that was popular in the 60’s and 70’s (hence, terribly out-of-date by the time the song was written), noted for its “extreme breadth and often garish colors and patterns (thanks again to Wikipedia).
Crimble is “humorous” UK slang for Christmas, according to the ever-helpful Wikipedia.
Thus prepared, enjoy the lyrics, especially if your family relations at Christmas were less than smooth. 
I can’t find a sound clip anywhere; sorry!
The St. Stephen’s Day Murders
(Paddy Moloney/Elvis Costello)
I knew of two sisters whose name it was Christmas,
And one was named Dawn of course, the other one was named Eve.
I wonder if they grew up hating the season,
The good will that lasts til the Feast of St. Stephen
For that is the time to eat, drink, and be merry,
Til the beer is all spilled and the whiskey has flowed.
And the whole family tree you neglected to bury,
Are feeding their faces until they explode.
Chorus:
There’ll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias,
Mixed up with that drink made from girders.
’Cause it’s all we’ve got left as they draw their last breath,
Ah, it’s nice for the kids, as you finally get rid of them,
In the St Stephen’s Day Murders.
Uncle is garglin’ a heart-breaking air,
While the babe in his arms pulls out all that remains of his hair.
And we’re not drunk enough yet to dare criticize,
The great big kipper tie he’s about to baptize.
With his gin-flavoured whiskers and kisses of sherry,
His best Crimble shirt slung out over the shop.
While the lights from the Christmas tree blow up the telly,
His face closes in like an old cold pork chop.
Alternate Chorus:
And the carcass of the beast left over from the feast,
May still be found haunting the kitchen.
And there’s life in it yet, we may live to regret,
When the ones that we poisoned stop twitchin’.
Regular Chorus Repeat:
There’ll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias,
Mixed up with that drink made from girders.
’Cause it’s all we’ve got left as they draw their last breath,
Ah, it’s nice for the kids, as you finally get rid of them (RID OF THEM!),
In the St Stephen’s Day Murders.
It always worries my husband a bit when I join in a little too enthusiastically with the chorus singers, who break out to holler an echo of, “RID OF THEM!” on the last refrain. It’s cathartic. I love my family… but after more than a week straight of being in the same house, well… it’s time for some space, and I’m kinda glad they live in Wisconsin and I live in Virginia.
