I was busy last night watching people fly (aka men’s team gymnastics). I don’t fly. I don’t dash. Any sport involving a ball is right out. And nobody is ever going to confuse my swimming with a dolphin (referencing the Visa commercial about Phelps). I did fencing for a few years but was never good at it. The only Olympic event I might vaguely be qualified for is curling, which is sliding a large rock with a handle on it down the ice at a target while yelling at your teammates with the brooms to help direct the rock the right way by smoothing or roughing the ice. I’m good at yelling at things after I throw them (“No! NO! Not that way!”); it just doesn’t work with any sport besides curling.
My kids, meanwhile, are preparing to medal in the Poopy Baby Game.
It starts when I announce, “I’m going to go get the mail/check e-mail/put away laundry/go to the bathroom/etc.; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
This phrase announces to the toddler that it is time to load her diaper with the nastiest, smelliest goop she can produce on short notice. If she’s noisy about loading the diaper, she gets caught right away. Normally, however, everyone is having an hysterically good time because Mommy is out of the room, so nobody really notices what the baby has done.
After a few times of the baby sitting down hard and squishing around the contents of her diaper, the older two notice that she has… um… an *odor*. Commence stage two of the event.
“EEEWWWWW! She’s poopy!” cries child number one.
“Let me see! EEEEWWWW! She is poopy!” agrees child number two, upping the volume.
The baby giggles.
Repeat several times with slight variations, louder with each repetition. By now, the baby is laughing so hard that she is absolutely slap-happy. Commence stage three: same thing, with running.
“EEEWWW! STINKY BABY!” the older two yell, while running away. Thump thump thump thump thump all the way across the house.
Toddler shreiks and gigggles so hard that she falls over and bonks her head. Fortunately, no bump is hard enough to hurt if she’s having a really good time. The Poopy Baby Game is always a really good time, apparently. She promptly wobbles back to her feet and heads off to chase the big brother and sister (patter patter patter patter… sort of a cuter, slightly quieter thumping), shreiking at pitches that make dogs cringe in pain a mile away. When she catches the older siblings and throws herself on top of them, they repeat the screaming about the poopiness and/or stinkiness of the baby. “RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! POOPY BABY! AAAAGGHHHHH!” THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP! goes the herd of elephants the other way across the house.
The toddler laughs until she can hardly breathe and her eyes are starting to water, then scoots off to find the older siblings again. Giggle! Shriek! Patter patter patter patter… They can do this for quite some time.
Mama, on the other hand, can only handle so much of the herd thumping back and forth around the house while shreiking and giggling. It sort of depends on how bad the smell is and how the day is going… sometimes, the game is stopped quickly. Usually, they’re just having too much fun to stop them. Unless, of course, the smell is too intense.
Eventually, though, there’s just too much eau d’enfant poopy around the house, and it has to end.
The result is a bunch of sweaty, slap-happy, giggling kids and momma in the bathroom trying to pin the writhing baby down on the changing table while removing a thoroughly mashed poopy diaper while keeping the hilarious baby’s feet out of it… but I haven’t told them to stop, either. 🙂
Oops, gotta go watch the women fly…