After late hours pounding the keys about the state of our country, its politics, and the current crop of candidates, I needed some humor. And when it rains, it pours! (And at least I was up late enough last night blogging to meet the milkman and catch a mistake in my delivery (our dairy just started offering plastic jugs instead of glass, and he accidentally left me three half-gallon glass bottles instead of three gallon jugs). (Yes, my milk, eggs, and butter really do get delivered into an insulated box on my front porch at around 2 am on Thursdays. My parents think it’s very strange, since they hadn’t seen a dairy deliver since they were kids.))
First, tonight was the 63rd annual Alfred E. Smith dinner. Basically, it’s a charity dinner put on by the Archdiocese of New York (which reportedly raised about $4 million this year), and it has become an accepted protocol that the presidential candidates will be there (except for the few times they’ve been disinvited for being “too divisive” on certain issues). Also traditional is the candidates’ roast. It was hysterical! The DH and I laughed until we cried, with a couple of, “Oh, he didn’t go there!” comments thrown in for good measure. I thought Sen. McCain’s speech was funnier and better delivered, but Sen. Obama had a couple of really good lines, too. (See the video here. It’s in several parts, so make sure you get part 1 of McCain’s routine first.)
We especially liked the well-delivered, “Even in this room full of proud Manhattan Democrats, I can’t shake the feeling that some people here are pulling for me. [cheers, applause] I’m delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary.” McCain then went on to skewer Bill Clinton’s “enthusiastic” campaigning for Obama, which Bill delayed starting out of respect for the Jewish holidays… and continues to delay out of respect for “Zoroastrian New Year.”
Sen. Obama had a couple of good lines, too. “Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is that Barack is actually Swahili for ‘that one.’ And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn’t think I’d ever run for president.”
The second bit of humor came from over at Lindy Borer’s blog, with some “Truisms for the current age.” Not funny-haha, but funny-at-least-someone-thought-of-this-before-and-I’m-not-alone. Sort of like listening to Bill Cosby’s old routines on raising kids and “brain damage” (“What did I just tell you!?!” “You said for to not for to drink you drink.” “So why did you do it?!?” “I don’ know…” Brain damage! They’re loaded with it!). Before kids, DH and I thought Cosby was funny… now, with three definitely brain damaged children, Cosby is more funny-cathartic than funny-haha on certain subjects, especially child-rearing.
And, finally, DH’s office (hard at work again) had some quotes going around on e-mail, which I submit for your amusement… or catharsis…
‘If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the
newspaper you are misinformed.’
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress . . .
But then I repeat myself.
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a
man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support
– George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he
proposes to pay off with your money.
-G Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what
to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to
-P. J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live
at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases :
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops
moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs
when it’s free!
-P. J. O’Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics
won’t take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
-Mark Twain (1866 )
Talk is cheap . . . except when Congress does it.
The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at
one end and no responsibility at the other.
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The
inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin.
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to
take everything you have.